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I'm a horrible person

If you have 00-10 ... write [I'm a goody-goody]
If you have 11-20 ... write [I'm still a goody-goody]
If you have 21-30 ... write [I'm average]
If you have 31-40 ... write [I'm a bad kid]
If you have 41-50 ... write [I'm a very bad influence]
If you have 51-60 ... write [I'm a horrible person]
If you have 61-70 ... write [I should be in jail]
If you have 71-80 ... write [I should be dead]
If you have 81-90 ... write [I got a ticket to Hell]

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Exam progress

HA! It is 3:21 am and I just finished one of the two books I have for family law, the one concerning marriage. That means I have one left, the one about the family relations and I would also like to solve a few practical exercises in family law... I also have studied the whole theory of administration law and I have some 100 practical exercises to solve for it too, I have read the first 70 pages of public international law and the first 50 of political ideas and institutions (no practicals for those two). So my studying is going really good! So good I have decided I might also study for another subject, one that is not compulsory, introduction to working relations. But I'm not very sure about that seeing as I don't even know what the lesson is about. I would have chosen tax law II instead but I won't be in Komotini the day of the examinations (on 10th). Well, when everyone else is studying all you can do is study too... :(
On other news I'm reading "Foundation" by Isaak Asimov right now and it's really great! I totally recommend it!
This Sunday the european elections will be held so on Friday I'm leaving for Mytilene to vote (and eat some decent food as well). My exams start next Monday (on 15th) with family law.
Mom's considering coming here (in Komotini) too with Sophia. I hope she doesn't complain about me going out all the time like I am doing and that she doesn't try to lock me up inside to study like a maniac for my last two lessons (admistrative and international law).

Exams and student elections

The last week has been so so so so busy.... Well, on Sunday I took the bus for Thessaloniki, merely 3 hours away by bus, to go sit my german exams. On Monday it was the speaking parts which consisted of me reading out loud a text in german and then of making an analysis on a subject. I think I did perfectly on the reading part, I didn't make any mistake, I read it without stress and with the perfect style which was wondeful seeing as I did very poorly at it while I was preparing for this part at the lessons. Now, for the other part, I chose to analyse the phrase " "in the past everything was better" Do you agree with that phrase or do you believe that every time has its own disadvantages and advantages?" My vocabulary wasn't the best and I had become pretty stressed during the exam, but I still think there's a chance -though not big- of me passing that part too... Now on Tuesday it was the writing part. I am certain that I have failed the first part, the literature part, but still I believe I have passed the grammar and the dictation part and the reading comprehension part. I hope I have failed only the literature part because in that case I can sit only that part on November and shall I pass, take the certificate. I don't want to have to sit the whole exam again... The preparation for it is very stressful and tiresome...
On other news, next week, that is on Wednesday, it is the student elections. I have become very anxious about my party... The last week we've been trying quite hard to talk to people about our beliefs but somehow I'm not that sure everything will go quite as we hope... Yesterday we had a party and I stayed till the end to help with the cleaning afterwards, so I got home at about 7 am...
On Saturday and on Sunday it is my french exams. Those I am certain I will fail. If I ever had a chance to pass them, it doesn't exist anymore because in the last two weeks I have not studied at all either because of the student elections or because of my german exams... My teacher is very disappointed in me but I can't bring myself to try a bit harder. I have fully accepted the idea of trying for the same certificate next year.
So that's it. That's my news... I have to go to bed now...

And the gloom goes on-and all that sun doesn't make it better

Home Again

So I'm back now. Back home, in Komotene, writing this post in my own computer, sitting on my own chair. It's good to be back home. It gives me a sense of peace and calm that I hadn't realised I was missing. Even in my family's home, in Mytilene, I didn't feel that calm and peace that I feel here. And it's strange because that was supposed to be my true home and this is supposed to be only a temporary situation, just till I get my university degree.

And it's also strange because now that the vacations are over, I have a million things that need doing and that are waiting for me. First of all, my german certificate exams that are this Monday and Tuesday. And also my french certificate exams, coming in two weeks. I am going to fail both... I am certain. But I still hope that I somehow will manage to fail only one part in german, thus having to repeat only that part and not the whole examination next year... For the french I don't have the faintest hope of passing, but I don't mind as much. Secondly, there are the coming student elections and although we all know that our "party" is not going to make it first or second or even third, we still hope to get as many votes as possible, not because we believe that they matter (the votes) but because it will mean that many people support us, have the same ideas as we and-call us stupid-but we believe (me at least) that it's going to make a difference. But of course, for that we'll need a good-organised campaign, which will mean a lot of work for the coming weeks, until May, 13th. And of course I also have the youth community. we're going to take part in the celebrations for the liberation of Komotene and i need to do some work for that too. Let's not worry about the european elections yet-i will worry about them after the 17th...

This weekend I went to the panhellenic meeting Coalition of the Left (or something like that-it's the student party I belong to) in Athens. It was very interesting, but at some point I got tired of listening to how important the greek riots in December were and are. Anyway I had a great time there and I don't regret that trip to Athens. But it cost me-emotionally.
Let me explain: I had to stay with Demetra, because my father was staying with his "girlfriend" (or whatever). It cost me not being able to stay at his house... And most of all it cost me that I had to greet her and shake her hand. I didn't want to meet her. And I understand that it's not right and that I am being really really selfish now. I just didn't feel ready to do that. Maybe I would never be ready for that. Their relationship is in my opinion twisted and it makes me very very depressed for some reason that I can't put in words. I wouldn't mind if they had a normal relationship... But now, I don't know... So I wasn't in the best of moods the whole weekend there. I even smoked. I don't usually do that-only when I am depressed... I even almost had a crying fit in the yard of the school we had the meeting at, but I managed to stop. I know. I am p.a.t.h.e.t.i.c..

But you know? A good thing came out of that. I decided that right now I am too pressed, and I don't only mean in free time, but mostly emotionaly, that I don't occupy myself with Dimitris anymore. After all, he has been plain enough: he's not interested in me. I think he has a relationship or something with another girl here but I don't know. And you know what? For the first time in months, I don't care. Really, honestly, truely don't care. I'm not just trying to convince myself or others about that. I just know it. I don't. I have a lot of worries at the moment. And he is utterly, fully out of my thoughts. And it's liberating. Very liberating. I told Christiana and Marialiki that. They didn't believe me of course because I have made a lot of such (false) statements in the past. But it doesn't matter, because *I* believe it. Cool?

Writer's Block: Take Your Chances

Do you think people deserve second chances?
yes of course they do... everyone has the right to make mistakes and besides you don't have anything to lose if you give a second chance to someone, only to gain.

Lay me down to crawl...

Oouf! It has been a busy week... But now it is over and for the next I have not planned as many thingies so it will be considerably less tiresome. It didn't help that I spent most of it being sick, sneezing and coughing all the time, not to mention, half-deaf (I couldn't hear at all from my right ear).
Today we had a demonstration against racism, considering it is the universal day against racism today, but we were only about 50 people... And-guess what- there were there 4(!) police vehicles just for 50 kids, 50 students that were there talking and smoking cigarettes looking bored. Tsk tsk tsk... those cops must really be bored out of their minds to go out in the freezing cold and light rain just for us...
Anyway, today I'm going to the party of a kid I have spoken to like... twice? but it's going to be fun, probably. It mostly is when you put about 20 people from DIKTYO (one of the left political groups in the universities-the one I belong to) in a house.



Ok, so I realize this post may seem rediculous to many people...

But I am really, really happy right now. In fact, my current psychological state is part relief, part happiness, part pride at myself, part a calmness that I had really missed.
I just had a very, very great epiphany (which is most probably an epiphany only to myself). I was studying Constitutional Law-in fact I still have to go bact to study in a few minutes cause I have half a book left and from the half that I have studied, well, let's say that I only remember the front cover. So I decided to take a break-because studying more than an hour straight truly exhausts me. I took out my mp3 player and after a couple of songs, in the middle of Sad Statue by SoaD, a very political song it came to me.
I don't remember if I mentioned it anywhere here on lj but for a couple of months now I've been trying very hard to stay optimistic and un-depressed-not always succeeding. Somehow I wasn't feeling like myself. The Dimitra that I saw since what? November? had a crush on someone, took more care about herself than I ever remember her doing-which is not much by normal standards, but still...-, was neglecting her literature books to the point that they are now sprawled all over her floor totally unread-and not half-read like usual-, was talking basically only boys with her friends-for the first time in her life-and hadn't read a political article for more than 2 months. I mean, a real political article. I even forgot the capital of Lebanon, being stupid enough to confuse the main tree of the country with the capital!!! That's not like me. Honestly, truly I don't forget capitals like Beirut! I simply don't. I may forget the capital of most Asian/African countries but definitely not this!
For the past week I've been feeling so bad with myself that I even had problems sleeping-thankfully not as serious as those I had when I was 15 but still it took me about 4 hours to fall asleep and I was having a very hard time waking up even after 12 hours of sleep. My eyes just wouldn't open.
But 10 minutes ago... I had the biggest epiphany! I was lying on my bed fully awake at 2 in the morning, listening to heavy metal music and a political song too, wearing the most casual casual clothes you can find, having my hair up in a way that would make my sister run away screaming if she saw me, having just drunk the most disgusting and most strong coffee that anyone else would flash down the toilet, just because I drink it that way. Economist and National Geographic issues where "carpetting" my floor mostly thoroughly read and I was even remembering the capital of Madagascar (Antananarivo), Burkina Faso (Ouagadougou) and both capitals of the Ivory Coast (political: Yamoussoukro and economical:Abidjan) which is a record! All the time I was masturbating (metaphorically: meaning I was playing around doing stupid things) while I had to study for the most important lesson of the semester in which most probably i'll fail. And then I started laughing like the crazy maniac I am because I realized that despite all everyday proof to the contrary... I am myself. I still am Dimitra. Everything that makes me who I am is still there, is still dominant! And since I passed the critical age of 18 mostly unchanged, I will most probably be the Dimitra I know and I love, the Dimitra that everyone else shakes his head disapprovingly at or merely ignores-with a selected few who love me for who I am and I love them back for who they are-for the rest of my life!

Isn't that great???

Civil Law

I finally finished studying-that means I quit studying-at 6 in the morning and I had to wake up at 10 to go to my french lesson. I studied the last chapter merely half an hour before I went to the school but apparently it was enough because even though 2 out of 3 questions had something to do with the last chapter, I *think* I answered those parts correctly. I also got the theoretical question right-at least for the most part... Now if you ask me I believe that maybe I stand a chance in passing but it will require a certain amound of leniency from the professor marking my paper...

Alright maybe I'm a little mad at myself for forgetting to add further things to the questions-even though I answered them I realize that I should have written some more things, that only came to me now! Thank the gods for Slipknot! Right now I'm listening to their cd, imagining myself throwing knives at my professors (because it wouldn't do to imagine myself throwing knives at myself). I have a little problem deciding who of them to stab first though...I leaning towards Panagopoulo but Chelidonis would do just as well...

This evening I'm going to watch Milk with Marialiki (Christiana refuses to go to the movies-she says she won't give 8 euros to watch a movie!) and then we're going out. The next exam is on the 4th, International Organisations, and for once I won't complain-because I love that subject. In fact it is my favorite out of the 7 that I had this semester.

I think I'll go take a shower or a nap in a while... Maybe both...